There's a beautiful metaphor in Buddhist writing about Indra's Net. In the stories, it's a large (possibly infinite) net hung over Indra's palace that has a multifaceted jewel at each intersection. Each of these jewels reflects back every other jewel. It's a powerful illumination of the Buddhist approach to interconnection. That each of us has an impact on and is a reflection of the world around us. And this interconnection is on full display during a global pandemic. Not only in the spread of the virus but in our ability or inability to counter it. The Interconnected Global System Not only have we seen how interconnected we are, … [Read more...]
My Advice on Listening to Advice
Somehow I've created a career where I spend a lot of time giving advice and feedback. Whether it's coaching, consulting, writing, speaking, or training, a big part of what people pay me for is guidance. Which means that the last year has been quite a different experience for me as I've been on the other side of the advice pipeline. Because when you have a new baby, you get a lot of advice. From everybody. All Advice Isn't Equal Whether they are your best friend or the person in front of you in the grocery store line, you'll get stories and suggestions about what worked and didn't work for them in the parenting … [Read more...]
How to Manage the Unintended Downside of Positive Thinking
My wife recently asked me if having Liam was easier or harder than I expected it to be. My response, "It's been really hard, but that's what I had imagined it would be. So I guess the experience lived up to what I thought was coming." Now, don't get me wrong, fatherhood has been a truly transformative experience with many positives. And also a whole heap of challenges. But because I had been warned by friends, family, and shell-shocked new parents, I was prepared. (Prepared doesn't mean ready. Because you definitely can't be ready. But at least I wasn't surprised when I felt like I was way over my head). Setting Ourselves Up for … [Read more...]
This Is Why You Need Two Approaches to Personal Growth
There are basically two ways that personal growth happens: gradually or suddenly. I've been in a few debates over the years about whether it's really just one or the other (ironically, on both sides). Do you evolve so slowly you don't notice the changes, or does growth come as a "Eureka!" moment and all of a sudden you're a new person? Here's a life lesson I've learned, though. If someone gives you an either/or choice, it's most likely a little of both. So the real trick to consistent growth? Use both gradual and sudden change. Growth Comes in Many Flavors I've written about the power of gradual, incremental change before. … [Read more...]
What Matters Most? HOW You Do What You Do
If I had to sum up the philosophy that influences my coaching, speaking, and writing in one sentence... I don't think I could do it. But one idea that would be prominent: "Having a good process is important, but it's how you engage with that process on a human level that determines the outcome." Or to put it in another, geekier, way: "Systems and processes are necessary for success, but not sufficient in and of themselves". Life Gets in the Way This thought was spurred by my wall calendar that I use to guide and motivate my daily writing. Actually, the thought was spurred by the massive amount of blank days on my wall calendar … [Read more...]
What Are the Consequences of Your Actions?
While comparing notes with a friend who also has small children, we stumbled across an important question: How do we ensure that our children have good taste in music when they grow up? For two guys who were DJs in former lives, that's a really important question. But admittedly, maybe not one of critical importance. It did lead me to consider the question of what lessons are critically important. What is important for me to pass along? What popped up for me seemed so simple, but it's something that we forget every day. The power of consequences. Cause and Effect When most of us think about consequences, we think of them as … [Read more...]
Seeing Time Come and Go
"Kids grow up so fast!" It's a cliché that is so true It's been amazing and humbling to watch my son grow and change in his first few months. His body has gotten bigger, there's hair on his head, and the way he engages with the world evolves daily. (Based on frequency, he seems pretty excited to have the hand-eye coordination to put his entire fist in his mouth). But even seeing someone else's child at intervals can be shocking when you realize how much they've changed since the last time you saw them. Watching the Effects of Time Time is easy to waste because we can't see it. It's not in a jar on the shelf that is slowly … [Read more...]
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