My son's behavior is determined by how I feel. That's one of my big takeaways from the first year of fatherhood. I'm not talking about his actions. Those aren't under my control. Anyone who has walked into a kitchen filled with a toddler and spilled raisins/walnuts/Cheerios will tell you that. His behavior, on the other hand, is how I talk about those actions to myself and to others. And how I frame the impact of those actions. And that is influenced by me way more than him. The Lens We Look Through Matters This idea may seem a bit esoteric and out there. But it's pretty simple to see in effect. Take, for example, feeding … [Read more...]
How to Make Past Validation a Key to Future Success
Scattered around my house are approximately ten Cuban oregano plants. They explode out of mason jars and thrift store flowerpots with thick, fuzzy leaves. When you rub those leaves your fingers come back with a delightfully spicy smell. My wife uses them in the place of regular oregano in all sorts of recipes. But that's not why I have so many of them. They have taken over as our houseplant of choice because a few years ago I learned: You can put a branch of Cuban oregano in water and it will sprout roots. It's the start of a whole new plant. And as long as you give that plant even a little bit of attention, it will grow … [Read more...]
This is Why You Want to Find an Apprenticeship (No Matter Your Age or Career)
I'm pretty handy at fixing a toilet. That doesn't really make me unique, but it's a skill that I've been proud to have in my toolbox over the years. And yes, it's also saved me hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars on plumbers over the years. I can also paint a room well, rewire a light switch, and replace a ceiling fan. And there are a bunch of other random home repair jobs I can do. And I didn't learn them from YouTube. I learned them because I had to help my dad during what amounted to a totally unwanted apprenticeship as a kid. Because while other kids were playing on Saturday mornings, for me they were filled with helping … [Read more...]
Us vs. Them vs. Us
I don't write much about politics. Not because the way we engage with each other isn't important. But because my focus has always been on the individual journey. There's so much to be spoken about right now. And so much to be heard. There are powerful words being said and written by others much better suited than me to speak to the realities of not being white and male. I'd rather let those voices speak for themselves and encourage others to listen. I can only offer a private realization I've made in the past that has been useful for me. Our Mind Wants to Create an "Us" When researching an article a few years ago, I came upon … [Read more...]
The Battle In Every Doughnut
I really love doughnuts. And donuts, too. Whether there's an "ugh" or not, I'm a big fan. But no matter how you want to spell them, they're not really that great for you. Sure, the perfect combination of sugar and carbohydrates is good for the soul. But it's not necessarily good for the body. Which means every time I consider popping a doughnut in my mouth, I have an internal debate with myself about whether or not I really need this one. Sometimes I win that debate with myself. Sometimes not. But I've found it's not worth dwelling on it either way, because it's just one small battle in a very long struggle. There is No … [Read more...]
Life Passes You By When You Wait for the New Normal
My house is pretty chaotic right now. Before the pandemic and ensuing shelter-in-place orders, my wife and I were beginning the process of selling our condo and looking for something a little bigger. My son is getting to the walking stage and once his nursery overtook my home office, it was clear we needed some bigger digs. Then the coronavirus came along and put a pause on our move. My wife started working from home and I truly worked only from home (no more coffeehouses). And there is still a 9-month-old scooting around. Pausing for the New Normal So it's gotten pretty busy around here. Every room has basically become a slash: … [Read more...]
Don’t Give Happiness a Deadline
I was in the midst of writing an intense article on how to use crisis as a way to grow when I remembered a simple lesson I learned my senior year of high school. It has stuck with me and I think it could be useful now and anytime you are feeling stuck in a pit of despair. Man's Search for Meaning At my high school, seniors were able to take an elective for their theology class. One of my choices was Existentialism (the Jesuits are always up for some interesting discussions). We read a number of texts that really spoke to my angst as a teenager, including Sartre and Camus. But one that has really stuck with me was the classic by … [Read more...]
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